Beyond Fear: How I’m Reclaiming My Power
“Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.” – Hafiz
The headlines this week have rattled my cage. Hard. But the truth is that ongoing attacks on women’s dignity, freedom, and autonomy aren’t big news. Nor is oppression, violence, dominance, and abuse of power.
These are the conditions we live under. It’s the air we breathe and the water we swim in. In a society built upon conquest and subjugation, the power is forever held by a select few. To grab and hold onto it, it’s taken by force from the many.
Fear and uncertainty have conditioned many of us to collude with those powers, and I’ve been playing a lot lately with the ways I inhabit both sides of this coin. Where am I oppressed, and where might I be the – often unwitting—oppressor? Where has my power been stolen from me, and where do I misapply or fail to recognize the power that I do possess?
Now here’s the deal: I can’t grapple with those questions, or their possible solutions, if I’m frozen in feelings of helplessness. And let’s face it, some days that’s exactly where I find myself.
Last night as I reflected on what’s coming out of the U.S. Supreme Court, I cried. I raged for all the ways women are violated and controlled. How our sacred gifts and magic continue to be bound up and systemically exterminated. Generation after generation. Century after century. Across so many cultures and religions and systems of governance.
I turned to my husband and said, “There’s nothing I can do. NOTHING.” <insert a hopeless sob here>
A little part of me watched this internal melodrama play out with curiosity and a sense of… dare I say it… humor? What I saw in that moment was a toddler at the grocery store, throwing a tantrum in the candy aisle. The frustration of wanting something that somebody bigger says you can’t have, and feeling powerless to get it.
Even as I cried, that other part of me thought, “OK, let it out. It’s OK to feel the feels. But you know that isn’t the only truth. All this means is that you’ve got work to do, sister.”
NOTE TO SELF: If I want that candy (or justice, or joy, or whatever), I'm gonna have to get after it. But first, I need to self-regulate!
Letting It Out Is Part of the Process
Our thoughts and emotions are a form of energy. When we dam up or deny them, it’s not like they actually “go away.” They just sink into the underground of our system. Bubbling away until things come to a boil.
When I get mad or scared about things that feel beyond my control, I tend to reflexively do one of three things:
Spring into immediate action. DO SOMETHING to escape those feelings of helplessness
Numb out. Disassociate from the feelings with TV, books, or another distraction
Spiritually bypass. Tell myself I need to transform those feelings into something “higher” by doing a metta meditation to generate more love and compassion
These methods may provide temporary relief, but like I said… the big feels don’t really go anywhere. So about seven years ago, I decided to try something different. I made a conscious decision to give myself more space for those feelings. I studied Buddhism and practiced techniques of self-compassion in order to hold all that I am with more grace.
When I made room for my anger, fear, and grief about the state of the world (and how it was impacting me), the most interesting thing began to happen. That energy transformed into something I could actually use. It became a force that emboldened and empowered me. It changed me.
A Method for Transforming Energy
Ritual is one way I bring intention and support to the process of acknowledging what hurts before attempting to convert it. This is the foundation for my Full Moon release practices – the idea that to name a thing is to know it. It’s useful to gently uncover the insights our emotions can offer us before we seek to let go of what’s painful or no longer working.
What I’ve learned about my anger and fear about societal injustices is that these emotional responses show me what I most value.
My fear points out what I most long for: a world where each person can live with dignity, in full expression of their gifts.
Anger reflects the grief I feel for all the brilliance, beauty, and creativity that’s been lost to the world thanks to the many faces of oppression.
My anger also shows me where I'm experiencing power loss within myself, and what may need shoring up.
Once I know what I’m working with, I’m able to move it. I’m able to thank the anger and fear for what they’ve illuminated within me, because there’s usually a glimmer of love, beauty, or hopefulness at the root. And once I see that, I’m better equipped for what comes next. I can hear the whispers of my wiser self, which informs how I might show up in the world more skillfully, and with a clearer vision of what I want to do, feel, and create INSTEAD.
NEED A COMPANION IN THE PROCESS?
The decision to work with a coach was hands down the best gift I ever gave myself. I’m not sure if I would have pushed through the layers of fear, resistence, or doubt that have cropped up along the way without her steady presence. Change happens in stages, and in coaching we take it step by step. Together.
If you’d like a soul companion to walk beside you on your path, consider a complimentary 45 minute call to see if working with me might be a fit. I’d love to make some magic together!
