Can You Love the Mess We're In?

I’ll say it again, ‘cause it bears repeating: Can you love the mess we’re in?

Earlier this week, my teacher Dr. Daniel Foor posed this question to our class... and it’s been following me like a shadow ever since.

What does it mean to open your heart all the way? To embrace the grief and the joy, the suffering and the possibilities of being human? And how can we possibly do it when it feels like we’re barely keeping our heads above water from one day to the next?

I caught an echo of Daniel’s question, and its answer, as Amanda Gorman gave an electrifying delivery of her poem, “The Hill We Climb”, during the U.S. Presidential Inauguration ceremony.

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true.
That even as we grieved, we grew.
That even as we hurt, we hoped.
That even as we tired, we tried.
That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.

With an artist’s eye, Amanda skillfully wove together what I know from the study of psychology (and lived experience!) to be true: resilience and inspiration are birthed in the struggle.

The struggle is real, and it’s difficult.

There are days when it can all feel like too much. And when it does, I pause. I go for a walk. I stretch. I listen to music. I dance. I cry. I shake my body vigorously. I do whatever it takes to move the pressure and anxiety through me physically and release it.
 

 “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” – Audre Lorde

Self-care isn’t selfishness. It’s an essential survival strategy - born not in day spas and candlelit bubble baths, but from the depths of the social justice movement itself.

Before we can show up for the world, we need to tend to our own system. 

Body. Heart. Soul.

I learned this lesson the hard way. After 20+ years of dedicated service as a nonprofit manager and executive, my body and mind blew out. I pushed too hard, for too long, until my back broke, my adrenals were shot, and the joy had been slowly leached out of my life.

There’s this unspoken rule in Western culture: give until you bleed. My friends, it just doesn’t work that way. We cannot build the lives we long for, let alone a world that’s just and nourishing for ALL people, when we’re depleted. 

So, back to the original question: how do we love the mess we’re in?

It starts as an inside job. 

Resilience and joy aren’t something we have in limitless supply. They are things we build and nourish. Day by day.

I stumbled my own way off the burnout superhighway, and shifted into coaching and spirit work for one simple reason: YOU. After years in the trenches, I knew in my bones we needed a different way forward. You, me, all of us.

I have the privilege of working with some truly inspiring people in my practice. And as I’ve watched them holding themselves, their families, employees, and organizations together this past year I’ve made a point to ask regularly:  

“Who is holding you?”

Sometimes, the answer takes a while to come. Often, it’s just one person: me. And that's OK! Our friends, colleagues, and neighbors are in their own swamps right now, and many are simply too busy holding their own shit together. 

But here's the thing: our culture has elevated self-reliance and individualism to the point that many of us are disconnected from deep, sustained, loving community support at the very time we need it most.

I know this has been true for me as well, so I took action. Long before the pandemic, I'd already brought in a team of reinforcements. And over the past year, my own coach and mentors have been holding me... so that I can in turn hold you.

We're in this mess together. So let's learn to love it by loving one another well.

It's OK to need someone to hold you. To gently remind you to breath. To help you find nourishing practices that will work for you. To support you in sourcing joy. 

If you don’t already have that person in place, find them. Could be a dear friend, an accountability buddy, a therapist, or a coach. Find them now. We have a long way yet to go, and you are worth it.

If you’d like a partner to walk with you, I'm currently offering a Self Care Kickstarter coaching package. If you'd like to talk, I encourage you to accept the gift of a free discovery call with me to learn more, and explore whatever it is that you’re longing for.
 
With love and hope,