A few weeks back, there was a flash trend on social media that caught my attention. And no, this is not about Wordle - I swear!

I’m talking about the #DecadeChallenge.

For about a week there, my feed was awash in people posting two photos of themselves side by side. One from 2012, and another in present day. It was kinda sweet, and it got me thinking about all the changes a decade can bring.

As I reflect on where I was at the start of 2012, it feels like a different life. And in truth, it was.

Over the past ten years, I've shed old skins over and over. Changed and changed again, until the external circumstances of my life began to match up with my internal longings. But if you had told me at the start where I'd be today, I would probably have laughed and said "No way!"

In 2012, the dream of THIS life hadn't yet pierced my consciousness.

How Change Really Works

Sometimes my clients ask me what massive change looked like for me – how I’ve done it, and what it entailed. But the actual question brewing underneath that one is usually far more personal:

"How do I create real change in MY life?"

And, the natural follow up:

"How hard will it be, REALLY?”

The answer is different for everyone, but what I know for sure is that change is progressive. It builds from where you are today to where you want to be.

If the size of that gap feels daunting, as mine certainly did ten years ago, simply take it one day, one week, one choice at a time.

Those Small Steps Add Up

Divorce papers freshly in hand, I remember entering 2012 with a mixture of hope and trepidation. Thrust headlong into a life I hadn’t planned, I was determined to turn a suitcase full of heartache into something that felt more like triumph.

But how?

On the cusp of 40, it felt like all my previous life choices were on the table. There I was, facing down the question: “Is this all there is?” While I had achieved professional success, life overall felt flat and unsatisfying. I just knew there had to be more.

My transformation began with a single question.

I asked myself when I’d last felt most clear about my identity. When I’d been most ME—before the world filled my head with ideas about who I was, or should try to be.

My 17-year-old self immediately showed up in response. And believe me, that girl wasn’t impressed with the status quo.

So I sat down and made a list of her hopes, dreams and ideals. I called to mind what she thought her life would be like at age 40. Then I asked myself how much of it still felt true. (Almost everything, as it turns out.)

So I made her a promise in that moment. I promised to live FOR HER from that point forward.

"The Change" didn’t happen overnight.

It usually doesn’t. But as the years stacked one on top of the other, my trajectory shifted. Slowly at first, until my lived reality was in closer alignment with all those hopes nestled inside my heart.

Yes, I asked for the magic to enter. But that’s not all. I set intentions like my life depended on it. I created goals and took action. All the while creating enough space inside me to plant new seeds and watch them grow.

Then I watered those seeds. Planted more. Watered. Planted more. You get the drift. The more I let myself dream, the more dreams I had!

My circumstances changed because I changed. From the inside-out.

When I think about the biggest shift that has occurred for me over the last ten years, it traces back to the very first positive psychology intervention I test drove way back in 2012: Gratitude.

Before I knew about coaching, or spiritual mentorship, or any of the myriad ways I could get more personalized support to navigate my path, I read. A Lot. And the book I turned to in 2012 like my own personal bible was Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project.

I guess you might call Rubin my first life coach. I followed her experiment for a year, taking her research on happiness and methodically applying it to my own circumstances.

What really stands from that experience was Rubin's suggestion to keep a gratitude journal. Of course I'd heard of that before, but I'd never actually tried it. This deceptively simple technique is something many of us "know about", but few actually do. And therein lies the difference.

Brain science nerd alert! The benefits of a gratitude practice have been well documented, and include “greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex, a brain area associated with learning and decision making.” (How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain, Greater Good Magazine 2017)

At first I’ll admit it was a grind to come up with 3 things I was grateful for each day, with no repeats. But I ultimately found this practice so powerful that I continued doing it every night… for the next 3 years!

In that time, my brain rewired to unconsciously scan for the beauty in everyday life. My ability to see and appreciate what’s working is an automatic reflex now. Ten years on, I count my blessings far more often than I mentally catalogue and organize the experiences and memories that hurt.

Ready for a fun fact? Positive emotions improve our prefrontal cortex functioning while negative emotions impair it. Unfortunately, negative emotions are "sticky" and positive emotions are "slippery". What this means is that we have to work hard to hold onto our positive emotions, while negative feelings have an irritating way of hanging around.

The brain is just one part of the equation, of course. But it's a powerful force to be reckoned with. Understanding neuroplasticity, and what we can do to shift our thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs really turbo-charges the change process.

I've also found that assembling a team of trusted mentors and coaches has helped me get at my own blind spots. A loving, courageous and clear-sighted witness can reflect back to me the ways in which my thougths may be distorted, conditioned, habituated, or otherwise untrue.

Coming Full Circle

Ten years ago, I didn't think I had much to offer the world. Not really. I just wanted to stop hurting. Boy oh boy, was I made for so much more than that. I simply didn't know it yet.

From an initial desire to revive my essential 17-year-self, I have turned the study of how human beings grow and change into my life's work. I've tried a lot of experiments along the way, and pursued a bunch of training too.

What I've learned after nearly 300 hours of professionally coaching others is that we each have such potent gifts to share. The trick is to believe it.

As I enter 2022, there’s more life, more love, more laughter, more juiciness, more inspiration, more opportunity, more space, more time, more freedom, more joy.

Always more.

What about you?

What’s your version of MORE? What joy are you here to receive, and to share?

If you haven’t already, I encourage you to give yourself space to reflect on where life has taken you over the past ten years.

How have you grown?
What have you learned?
What were your greatest triumphs?
What looks different today?
What does your heart long for next?

And finally... if the decade ahead is to be your best yet, what needs to happen next?

Want A Partner In the Process?

If you'd like support as you explore the yearnings of your heart, or a companion to help champion the highest vision for your life, my friend that's what I do!

If coaching or spiritual mentorship feels like it might be useful to you, let's talk. We’ll talk about where you are, what you’re looking for, and whether I’m the right alchemist to help you make magic. You can schedule a complimentary Discovery Call using the link below.

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