How to Uproot A Limiting Belief
We all have sabotaging thoughts that we mistakenly identify with as The Truth. I’ve learned to picture them as little gremlins that run around in our heads, sharing pearls of wisdom like:
I don’t know what I’m doing
I’m too old/too young for that
I don’t deserve it
It won’t work
I’m not _______ enough (smart, educated, experienced… you name it)
I’ll never have what I want
I’m not good enough
I’ll fail
In the field of psychology, these buggers are known as Limiting Beliefs. And the good news is that you don’t have to let them run your show. One of the most powerful techniques I’ve learned as a coach is how to spot and neutralize what my husband likes to call Stinkin’ Thinkin’.
Where do limiting beliefs come from?
The subconscious mind, of course! According to brain research, our subconscious really does RULE US. In fact, it’s responsible for about 90% of the thoughts we think each day. Friends, what this means is that we’re cruising through life on mental autopilot more often than we realize!
And the Thought Gremlins? They’re the product of old lessons that in most cases can really use an update.
Ready to really nerd out? In psychological terms, those gremlins are what’s called a “Heuristic”. Heuristics are mental shortcuts our brain deploys so we don’t have to keep learning the same thing over and over.
Don’t get me wrong - heuristics are fabulous! It’s what allows us to do things like chop vegetables or drive a car without really “thinking about it”. Our mind is an efficient system that works really well… until it doesn’t.
So how do we get saddled with beliefs that may not actually be true?
A limiting belief, like all heuristics, is essentially a program that runs below the surface of our conscious thoughts. At some point in our past, we had an experience that led our mind to a particular conclusion. It may have been something simple like:
“Yuck, failure is uncomfortable.”
or
“Wow, it’s really painful to be rejected.”
If the feeling was strong enough, a mental shortcut gets created. Even years later, anything that looks or feels similar can simulate the same original mental response. This is what teaches us to not put our hand on a hot stove, and other dangerous things we learn by experience not to repeat.
This all happens in less time than it takes to blink an eye. We pull responses up out of our subconscious without ever really thinking about it.
We also form limiting beliefs as a result of what we’re taught by others, particularly when we’re very young. Family, school, church, and society all transmit messages that we internalize.
My personal favorite from back when I was a teenager? “That’s slutty!” Um, according to WHO exactly?
Again, beliefs transmitted socially aren’t in themselves a human design flaw. They have their uses, like being told not to eat those poisonous berries because some dude from the village died the minute he had one.
In modern times, though, a lot of our beliefs form around things we’re psychologically afraid of. Threats inside the mind, if you will. And a lot of these ideas get formed when we’re kids.
Whether the original belief we formed back then remain true for us or not, it can stay lodged in our subconscious for a very long time. Forever, in fact.
Unexamined beliefs persist, shaping our reactions and decisions for the rest of our lives.
One way to spot a heuristic is to notice when you’re thinking a thought that feels familiar. If what you’re thinking reminds you of an old record (or CD… or Spotify list) playing the same songs you’ve heard many times before… you’re likely inside a subconscious belief.
6 Steps to Challenge a Limiting Belief
In order to knock out those Heuristic gremlins, you’ll first need to disrupt the pattern. The process of forming new neural pathways begins as we critically examine what we think is true and allow ourselves the chance to experiment with other ways of seeing a situation.
1. NOTICE when a thought gremlin arises.
You’ll know you’re probably in one when it starts with “I can’t…” or “I should…”
Let’s work through a common one: “I can’t afford it.”
2. NOTE that thought, then say it out loud or write it down.
Don’t just “catch it” in your mind. It’s important to pull it out of your head and verbalize it, either to yourself or someone else.
Example: I can’t afford to take a vacation.
3. ASK yourself if this thought feels familiar.
Where does it come from? Our limiting beliefs typically arise from an experience earlier in our lives, often in childhood. They might also trace back to something we were taught by our family, school, religion, or society.
Tease “I can’t afford it” apart:
Is it objectively true?
Is scarcity a theme that’s shown up in other parts of my life?
Where might this belief “I don’t have enough” have come from?
What did I learn and internalize about money growing up?
4. QUESTION the validity of the thought.
Do you know it to be factually true? Can you prove it? What else might be true other than that thought?
Hmmm. I haven’t been on a trip in 2 years. I usually just “staycation” because it feels frivolous to spend money on something that isn’t “essential”. It’s not that I literally don’t have the money – I’m willing to pay for the things I believe are important.
5. TRY ON A NEW BELIEF
Start with your imagination:
“What if” I believed something different?
What actions would I take?
What would that feel like?
I love to travel, I’ve got some savings, and a break would actually refresh me. What if I were to prioritize my happiness in the same way I do the more practical business of life? When my car needs repairs or an oil change, I take care of it. What would it be like to see a vacation as an investment in myself, so that I remain in good running condition… just like my car?
6. EXPERIMENT
Reprogramming a limiting belief isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It requires action. When we replace limiting thoughts with new experiences, we actually rewire our subconscious mind. Over time, our beliefs actually DO change.
HYPOTHESIS: My beliefs about money are getting in the way of taking care of myself, and enjoying my life.
ACTION: I’m going to book a weekend stay at the coast and see how that feels.
Most of us carry a number of limiting beliefs, so don’t be afraid to Wash, Rinse, Repeat this process often!
If this work intrigues you, go even deeper with the following resources:
Here’s a piece I wrote to accompany a short podcast hosted by two of my teachers: Gremlins, And How to Quash Them
“Gremlin-Taming” is an externalization exercise I use with my coaching clients, based on the work of Rick Carson. You can learn the method and apply it for yourself using his book Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way.